My Realistic LinkedIn Profile

-highly employable
-dreads working for a startup like the devil dreading heavenly gates
-yet would not make it past the first round of interviews in any given corporate job
-did art and English lit for undergrad but can barely mention one British poet of significance
-would rather not answer how her postgrad went
-frequently and openly talks about wanting to get into writing but never actually writes
-the only book she finished in 2017 was ‘We Are Never Meeting In Real Life’
-thinks using twitter counts as ‘strategic for prospective career’
-instead of a solid CV intro, it’s her 2016 fb profile picture taking up half of the first page
-secretly enjoys waiting tables and thinks she’s doing a great job
-believes her blog containing four (4) articles paired up with her sarcastic responses on tinder will lead someone to discover her talent and eventually secure her a dream job
-leaves most hospitality jobs on bad terms, blaming the management each time
-claimed to be ‘the proud non-academic in Oxford’ but had a list of top 3 Oxford colleges she’d pick and reconsidered often
-still hasn’t deleted the summer-of-2015 housekeeping position from her LinkedIn
-at the moment cannot provide references
-will refuse to pick up the phone